Mothering, as it turns out, is not as easy as I assumed it would be. When my daughter was born, I imagined there would be this 'mom switch' that would immediately turn on and I would innately know what to do at every pass; that it would come easily to me. This, however, wasn't the case. The first few months were extremely difficult for me. This is not to say that I couldn't care for my daughter, I was just fine at caring for her physically - the feedings, changing, bathing etc...it was more the emotional aspect that I lacked in.
My daughter was born via c-section, which was definitely NOT planned - but that's a whole other post for another time so I'll leave it at that. I was a mess after she was born, I was physically and mentally exhausted and felt as though my world, the world as I knew it, had been flipped about...turned upside down and inside out. Looking back, it was such an odd feeling...coming home with this little being - this new person that I was responsible for. It was so overwhelming to have so much dependent upon me. I mean, I could barely take care of myself and felt like a mack truck had driven right through me. I relied on my very supportive husband and my mother-in-law during the first few weeks at home. I don't know how I would have survived it without them! They were a tag team beyond belief! Changing diapers, making bottles, doing the laundry, dishes, sanitizing the bottles, more diapers, more laundry...it was a whirlwind adventure for sure! A wild ride, but a good one :) I am very grateful to have had this support, it made a world of difference having them by my side.
You know, no one tells you how hard it is to raise a newborn. I mean, you'll get the occasional sleep deprivation comment: "Oh, hope you don't like your sleep because you won't be getting any for the next year!" or "kiss your sleep goodbye!" But what about the emotional aspect of parenting? The sleep deprivation I can handle...it was the overwhelming sense of responsibility for this new little human being that we created that hit me the hardest. I thought we were 'all grown up' because we were married and had bought a home, but parenting, I realized, is the epitome of adulthood.
My struggles in the first few months of my daughter's life were a serious weight on my shoulders. I felt like a failure as a mother because I was having all of these feelings and was afraid to discuss them for fear of someone knowing that I had failed. Being that I'm in my thirties, most of my friends either already had or were having children around the same time as me. As I began tentatively talking about my experience and my feelings of inadequacy as a mother, I was amazed to find that many of my friends had or were having similar experiences and feelings. Here I was, thinking I was isolated and alone in my feelings and yet, there were other moms out there who were having the same issues! It sounds horrible to say this, but I was happy that I wasn't alone in these feelings.
I have several friends who had their babies shortly after me and would call looking for support and answers from me. I was completely flattered and was so glad to share what I had experienced and to pass along any advice that I could that would help them in their journeys as mothers. I realized that the old adage 'it takes a village to raise a child' is absolutely true. I wish that I had looked for support from other moms early on. I know of several new moms groups in my area and would definitely take advantage of these support circles early on the next time around. I am actually considering starting my own mothers circle with women that I know so that we have a place to share, vent and receive support from other women who are passing through or have already gone through the same milestones in mothering.
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